PTSD Freedom

PTSD Freedom Key #9 Bonus - Looking Straight Ahead

2008-04-21T12:02:00.020-04:00

My drill instructor taught me a valuable lesson; how to solve a problem in a simple, yet effective way. It helped me to clarify my PTSD issues and allowed me my Freedom. Sometimes I confuse a problem even more by over-thinking the solution. To solve a problem, such as PTSD , stress, confusion, or anything else that prevents me from being happy or successful, I just remember the following story:

It was a hot, sunny, humid day in mid July and my company of 180 men were learning the finer points of " Marching and Drilling". We were hot, thirsty, dusty, drenched in sweat, and exhausted from a full day of training and now we were getting screamed at by the Drill Instructors. The D.I.'s never seem to tire, never run out of smart remarks, and never run out of opportunities to degrade us. They were not shy in expressing their displeasure of our drilling performance. They would shout " column left, column right, left flank, right flank, rear march!!" and so many other wonderful commands at the top of their lungs. For some unknown reason we couldn't remember our left from our right and continually bumped into each other. Then we would stop, start again, stop, start again, over and over.

The D.I.'s threatened us with no chow, no rest, no water, no showers, no nothing except more pain! An example of their " more pain policy" was to have all of us move together, shoulder to shoulder in a tight formation. The command " company.....mark time.....march" was given and, in perfect unison, we began lifting our feet to the left-right-left-right cadence of the D.I. Only we simply stayed in one place and didn't move forward. They made us raise our knees as high as we could and pound our feet hard into the ground. Over and over we did that in what seemed an eternity. The constant and rhythmic pounding created a plume of dust and dirt that coated our bodies , our sweaty faces, our parched throats, and our burning eyes. Breathing in dust and eating dirt is not fun!! They commanded us to halt and the cloud of dust was so thick you couldn't see 20 feet in front of you. It was like a fog.

The D.I. said he figured out what our problem was and how to fix it.
" Raise your right arm above your head!!" he yelled.
To some he shouted " Not that arm.......Your military right !!!"
"Now extend your right hand around your back and place it on the center of your but-tocks!"
"Now squeeze as tightly as you can "
"........and pull your head-out - ch'your-as_!!!!
"Place it between your left and right shoulders and screw it down nice and tight."
"Make sure your eyes are facing directly forward."
"Clear the crud away from your eyes so you can see clearly."
" Problem solved!!!!!" he said with pride.

To our surprise, it actually worked and we executed the commands perfectly !
Maybe this is another PTSD Freedom Key!

The Bottom Line: Sometimes the simplest answer is the best answer.

PTSD Freedom Key #8: Success - Part II

2008-04-18T14:23:00.006-04:00

I define success as the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out. It is realizing small goals. It is living in the moment and staying focused in the present. At times we need courage to pursue our dreams. The opposite of courage is not being a coward. I think it is conformity. If we all conform we become complacent and when we are complacent we become mediocre. Then we act like everyone else and we don't even know why.

Who succeeds? The person that chooses to do what they want to do deliberately . Instead of competing why not try creating. Set your goals. People who are successful continue to be successful and those that fail continue to fail. It's not magic. Goals give you a destination but the journey gives you knowledge and confidence. The more you succeed, the more that doubt and fear will fade away to the past. We become what we think about; success or failure. Change your thoughts, change your attitude, change your habits and you will change your life.

Plant the right seeds in your mind. It doesn't care what you plant. The mind will nurture and strengthen the seed and it will return results abundantly. Our mind comes to us free. We place little value on things we don't pay for. For example, our mind, body, soul, hopes, dreams, ambition, intelligence, love, family, friends, children and much more are free. Why do we abuse our selves with PTSD? Why not free ourselves? I did and have never been happier.

Another secret to success is to be happy to be alive. The architect of the universe didn't build a stairway to nowhere. Cut away the baggage of limitations because they are self imposed.
We've been through hell already. Can anything really hurt us or stop us now? What are we afraid of? The worse is behind us; it's in the past. Let it stay there! It's not working for us anymore.

New habits will form when we create a goal. Just by having a goal we are immediately a successful person. Act as though it is impossible to fail. Be persistent and if you seem to be overwhelmed then focus your firepower and breakthrough! Don't worry because worry brings fear and fear can be crippling. Don't let petty things get in your way and above all, don't be mediocre!

Enrich the lives of those around you. Help them and teach them. We've paid the price now use it for good and help others.

The Bottom Line: Open the floodgates of your success and live new again starting today.

Finally: PTSD No More!!!

PTSD Freedom Key #7: Success- Part I

2007-10-05T15:40:00.000-04:00

Success from PTSD is difficult for me to measure. How do I explain it? How do I know what it looks like? How much did I succeed? How long will it last? What do I need to do to keep going on a successful path? I was told to "measure what you treasure".

Growing up I was a very competitive kid. I was taught to win in everything I do. Never give up. Don't look back. Pick yourself up, endure the pain, tough it out, don't cry, keep moving forward. That's easy when there is a beginning and end to the game. The score is kept and there is a winner at the end. Should the ones that didn't win be considered losers forever? Are they now worthless and should we spit on them and ignore them? What could they possibly contribute to society now? Why is there such a negative stigma attached to losing a game? Does that make me a lesser man? Are games the same as life?

I had a fear of failure based on those ideals. I pushed myself to achieve success by beating my opponents into the ground. If I beat them bad enough and remove their desire to continue the fight, then they lose and I win. Is that what life is really about? Can't I look at success in different ways? Why put unrealistic obstacles in my path that depress me when I lose?

In Vietnam, there was a time when body counts determined success. The more we killed the better chance of demoralizing the enemy. How did we verify the body count? By cutting off their right ears and turning them in. How effective was it? It was the only way to keep score. The score wasn't kept by pushing the enemy back and occupying terrain. It wasn't by politics. It wasn't by vote. It wasn't by wishing success. It was by taking action.

How is it determined that you won on the battlefield? Basically, you look around and you're the last man standing. The enemy disengages and leaves the battlefield. Or maybe they are lying dead on the battlefield and we clean up their remains. Is that success? Is that winning? In one sense it is. At the very least, I'm still alive! That is just one kind of success for one set of circumstances.

What about PTSD freedom success? What about success in life, my family, my job, my peace of mind? I think it is different than just keeping score.

Next: Part II

PTSD Freedom

PTSD Freedom Key #6: Focus

2007-09-18T12:03:00.000-04:00

I enjoy PTSD Freedom by staying focused with positive thinking and not negative. I manifest my daily reality, good or bad, by how I think and what I think. I now choose to replace the thoughts that are not helpful to me anymore. It is a daily battle as well as a long term battle. How can I win the battle? What do I replace the unhelpful thoughts with?

Let me illustrate the intensity of my PTSD battle by using several military analogies.

The enemy attacks me with negative firepower in the form of: fear, shame, failure, need, anxiety, numbness, depression, irrational behavior, feeling sorry for myself, confusion, playing the victim, isolation, self centered, hatred, rage, anger, jealousy, envy, false pride, greed, boastfulness, deceit, irritable, sadness, outbursts, no friends, social ineptness, survivor guilt, lack of interest, hardship, adversity, dragging baggage, no sleep, no appetite, apathy, being broke, nightmares, flashbacks, low self esteem and many others. The enemy has a lot of ammo to keep my head down until he overruns my position. How do I survive the oppresive firepower that keeps me pinned down and stops my progress?

For me, the only way to survive the ambush is to focus my return firepower on one target and unload everything I have. Then charge forward and attack its position until I break through.

My return fire power is: love, peace, joy, smiles, comfort, engagement, help, encouragement,support, integrity, character, trust and any other component that is opposite to the enemy onslaught. The good news is: I never run out of ammo and I never give up!

There are 2 ways I attack the enemy. The first is a premptive, first strike, sniper attack. I look for long range targets. Because the target is far away and small, I need to utilize the Ready-Aim-Fire method. I need to make it count. I need to focus.

Let me go through my check list to ensure a positive outcome: provide for cover and concealment, establish escape routes, find a clear fire lane, rest the weapon on something that absorbs vibration, become one with the weapon, chamber a round, suppress the adrenalin rush, suppress the mind chatter, relax my muscles, check my breathing, check windage, check elevation, check distance, release the safety, acquire the target, place the tip of my finger on the trigger, take the play out of the trigger mechanism, check the target, exhale my breath through my nose, at the bottom of the exhale, when my muscles are most relaxed, slowly squeeze the trigger back, I should not know when the weapon will fire......target eliminated!

The second, and most effective method, is the quick-kill technique. This method employs the Ready-Fire-Aim strategy. In close combat situations, such as a room search, the enemy can pop up at any moment. My brain cannot go through a check list. I need to fire immediately. No time for thinking. The weapon is usually on full automatic and I've developed trigger control of 3-5 round bursts. Safety off as I focus my eyes forward with my weapon at the ready, the barrel of my weapon goes where my eyes go, finger on the trigger, adrenalin pumping, muscles tense, steady forward footsteps, hearing at peak levels...enemy pops-up....rapid fire, no thinking, just chaos... target eliminated!

Those were graphic illustrations of the every day battle in my mind because of PTSD. I needed freedom and I got it when I focused my firepower of positive thoughts and actions toward the enemy. When I'm focused on my objective, the short and long term barriers are neutralized with positive results. I expected to succeed and gain PTSD Freedom and I did!

The past is now my story and the present is my reality staring me in the face. Is it friend or foe? Am I willing to do what's difficult and hard? If I believe that how I do anything is how I do everything then what do I want to focus on? What do I want to manifest in my daily life? My answer is that I want to focus on good health, happiness, success, wealth, peace of mind, family, friendships and so much more.

Success in achieving PTSD Freedom is more than just "how" I do it. Those are the steps I've taken.
My long term success is achieved by understanding "why" I do it. That is my motivator.

The bottom line: When I stay focused on positive goals the enemy is eliminated.

PTSD Know More

PTSD Freedom Key #5: Trust

2007-09-16T13:09:00.000-04:00

When it comes to PTSD Freedom, this is by far the most difficut trait for me to comprehend. In Vietnam I trusted those around me. I didn't have to say it; it was understood. They got my back, I got their's and I could count on them in a fight to the death with the enemy! When I played team sports I learned that each position has a function and each player has a responsibility. They play that postion to the best of their abilities and if they fail they let the entire team down. I trust they will do their job. When I trained for combat I knew each soldier had a responsibility and they would perform at 100%. That's when I know my back is covered. I trusted them.

Unfortunately, as a civilian, I didn't sense that anybody covered my back but me. I felt alone protecting my wife, family and co-workers. I covered the back of others but who covered mine? Who did I trust enough that would understand and then do it? I determined I would do it myself and go it alone. I wouldn't allow anybody into my world or get close enough to me. I shut them down! I loved my family but not others. I chose to distance myself from others because I didn't trust them with my life.

Freedom from PTSD must include trust for others. Recently I was involved in a training program and for the first time since Vietnam I told that person " I trust you"! What a breakthrough that was for me.

I'm starting to put these pieces together. I'm starting to develop friendships with others, I'm letting people in and I'm letting the readers of my story in. I am starting to trust others.

Will they cover my back? I don't know if they need to. What fear am I holding that makes me think I need that? I'm changing my story today.

The bottom line: Begin to trust others again.

PTSD Know More

PTSD Freedom Key #4: Character

2007-09-12T13:19:00.000-04:00

To me, Character is an extension of integrity. I needed to self assess the traits that not only make me happy but also allow me to breakthrough from the PTSD shackles of isolation and darkness.

Integrity is my overall strategic behavior but Character building is my tactical plan for new behaviors. These traits become my operating principles. Do I stand up for what I believe to be true and honorable? I need to build self esteem and neutralize fear by developing my character.

PTSD Freedom started when I began to smile more. Smiles are contagious and feel good. I found that people actually smile back! I have begun to lighten up on myself and laugh more. I don't take myself so seriously. I'm still intense but I'm working on it! I respect others and I listen to their story without judgement.

I am honest, humble, generous and happy now. I am fearless and persistent in my pursuits.

A positive attitude, with a vision of where I want to be and who I want to be, is crucial when I make decisions and I take full responsibility for those decisions.

I'm learning not to take comments from others personally. It's really their issues not mine. That's why I don't blame them for my results. They are not the reason for my success or failure. Besides, failure is part of my success. I try to help others and stay in the background. I let others be successful and help them to shine.

For me, Character is bringing something to the table, playing full on at 100%, and speaking the truth with compassion.

The bottom line: Live with positive character traits and seek higher ground.

PTSD Know More

PTSD Freedom Key #3: Integrity

2007-09-06T13:08:00.002-04:00

PTSD Freedom improved when I revived my sense of moral integrity. I work at living my life with the standards I've chosen and it is important to uphold the principles I believe in. I must focus and search out what I think is important.

People without integrity tend to focus on what they want to do regardless of whether or not it's immoral or causes pain and suffering to others. They simply don't care and are driven by their own impulses and actions. Unfortunately, I've experienced those depressing symptoms.

Living with moral standards help me define ethical standards as well. I take responsibility and do what's right; not what's convenient. I do what's hard and act in spite of my mood! It's time to take back the very core of who I am and who I want to be! I don't play the victim. I don't blame others. My choices become my reality!

I live in the real world. What does integrity mean to you? For me it means: " I do what I say...I mean what I do". If my moral code is challenged, it is my duty to stand up for my beliefs.

I stepped forward. I received help from others I love and trust. I go with the flow but I don't adopt the belief that "anything goes".

Another word for integrity is honor. When I maintain principles, my actions are in line with my sense of honor. I'm not perfect and I make mistakes. But I like to think of mistakes as accidents; not permanent behavior. I learned to simply correct and continue on my journey and I don't beat myself up anymore. I developed a sense of fair play and balance in all that I do. I master self control by respecting myself and by taking responsibility for my actions. I don't act on destructive urges that might hurt others or myself.

I determine what needs improving in my life and take action to improve it. I stay motivated... I keep going...I never give up!!!!
I am just an ordinary man that dealt with extraordinary circumstances. I survived physically and now I'll survive mentally and be happy.
I want to be the person people can count on.

Now I can, because I've given myself permission to let my PTSD past go.
It's always there in the background, but it no longer controls me!!!!

The bottom line: Live with Integrity and Honor

PTSD Know More

PTSD Freedom Key #2: Fear - Know More

2007-09-02T08:41:00.000-04:00

In the heat of battle, fear is all around you. Nearly 40 years later, fear is conjured up in my mind, it's all around me, but is it real? My mind plays the "What if " game followed by the ever popular "I know that" game. Danger! Warning!

One of my PTSD Freedom breakthroughs came when I learned that my brain tries to protect me based on past experiences. It will send false and imagined scenarios mixed with a little truth. Then I place a value on the information. I should test the information but I'd rather believe that my mind always tells me the truth. Well, I discovered that it doesn't!

I believe fear based decisions start with good intentions but they lack knowledge, wisdom, eventually fail, and let me down. Decisions based on my higher self come from my emotions, my intuition, and from my heart. They are always right and don't let me down.

You're probably thinking the most dangerous phrase uttered by mankind; " I know that".
Do what I did and challenge yourself. See if you "truly know" these secrets or just "know about" these secrets.
Ask yourself: " Do I live these secrets everyday of my life? "
What's your answer......Know or No?

Another way to define fear images from my mind is by using the F.E.A.R. acronym:
False Evidence Appearing Real!!!!
Some have said; False Expectations Appearing Real
Is my brain telling the truth?
PTSD doesn't know or care.

Another way for me to succeed and obtain PTSD Freedom is to replace the word fear with another word; curious. Whenever I'm confronted with some kind of fear, I become curious and learn more about it. I gain knowledge and the fear is neutralized. I always act in spite of fear! I don't let anything stop me!!!

I know that I am the author, creator, publisher, producer, director, special effects artist, background painter, speaker, writer, and actor of my story. If I don't like my story, I choose to re-write it!

It's time to purge my PTSD. I develop new habits by replacing the old ones.
Everybody has a story to tell. Is it fact or fiction?

The bottom line: Take Action in spite of your fear.

PTSD Know More

PTSD Freedom Key #1: Open Your Eyes

2007-08-29T06:43:00.001-04:00

The first thing I do in the morning when I open my eyes is say Thank You. I greet the day with positive and loving thoughts. PTSD freedom allows me to think of how I can make a difference to those I love and how I can help others. It's not about me! It's time to give.

It's the opposite of who I was. I was filled with hatred and inner rage. I tried to hide it, but I was only kidding myself. I was filled with a life of no friends, no trust, few goals, dark thoughts, little joy and little happiness.

That was the past. I choose to let it go. I choose to open the PTSD veil that has clouded my thinking and happiness. I created those stories but now I choose to see the world differently. I encourage you to do the same. Part of my life has passed, but now I can enjoy my freedom! The key to freedom is to look within.

The bottom line: Greet each day with joy, love, and gratitude.

PTSD Know More

PTSD Freedom: The Volunteer

2007-08-23T12:45:00.000-04:00

I volunteered for Vietnam. I volunteered to work with Rangers and Special Forces, to be a door gunner and body guard, and for special assignments. My past led me to where I am today. I believe everything happens for a reason. They are opportunities to expand and learn from, if I choose to.

I volunteered to get married, have kids, work, learn about God, learn martial arts, go back to school and learn about science, physics, math, and the Universe. I've learned valuable principles to conduct myself with integrity and with character.

I have made many choices and most have been good choices. But above all, good or bad, I take responsibility for my choices. I don't blame others and I don't play the victim.
I play full-on.

In the blogs to follow, I will outline and describe the good success I've had beating PTSD.
I'm not going to describe my experiences in Vietnam but rather focus on my breakthrough!
You have your issues and stories too.
What's next is your breakthrough.

My success depends on my willingness to follow through and live these important secrets and apply them in my life. My success will be proportional to my effort.
Little effort, little success. Complete effort, complete success.

Stand up with me and be counted as a success story; not a statistic!

First: step forward and volunteer.

You are probably flashing back to your military time when you were told not to volunteer for anything. That's your past creating mind chatter to prevent you from changing. If you continue to live in the past and not in the present then how is that working for you?

It is time for us to take back control of our life.

The bottom line: Step forward and change your life.

PTSD Know More

PTSD Freedom Keys...and it's Personal!

2007-08-06T12:22:00.002-04:00

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused me to stop functioning nearly 20 years after returning from Vietnam. I finally came off guard duty and after years of fighting it, I woke up one morning with a brain freeze! I couldn't pick 2 socks that matched and I forgot how to tie my shoes! My answer was to go back to bed and stay there for 3 days. I knew I needed help. For the past 38 years since Vietnam, I've suffered through bouts of depression, survivor guilt, isolation, anxiety, inner rage, and apathy. My family loved me and supported me but they suffered as well. They walked on egg-shells trying to not make me angry. They were on the receiving end of my frustrations. I was actually two people. The outward and successful person and the other one; dark and angry. I never spoke to anybody about my issues but my actions spoke volumes.

Today, I feel that I'm in control of my life more than ever before. I'm happy, I experience joy, I live in the present one-day-at-a-time and have let the past go. This is my personal freedom! I've released my inner rage and anger. On occassion, I drift back into my old ways but I don't stay there and play the victim. I choose not to!!!!!

I am in control; not some past story that I've created !!

I am now ready to share my keys and secrets of success with you.
I realize that PTSD also affects people young and old that have not been in the military.

Please share your story. I believe that we can help and support each other and learn how to cope with PTSD.

Thank you.

The bottom line: There is always hope, regardless of age.
PTSD Know More